Get ready to laugh—or cringe—because the 2025 Christmas cracker jokes are here, and they’re sharper than ever! This year, no one is safe from the wit of the British public, with Prince Andrew (now Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor) taking center stage as the punchline of the winning gag. But here’s where it gets controversial: is it too soon to joke about his fall from grace, or is humor the best way to process the year’s most talked-about moments? You decide.
U&GOLD, the nation’s go-to comedy channel, has unveiled its Top 10 Topical Christmas Cracker Jokes for 2025, and they’re a hilarious mix of royal ribbing, pop culture quips, and political pokes. Now in its thirteenth year, the annual competition challenged Brits to craft the funniest, most timely jokes inspired by the events of 2025. From the Louvre heist to Nigel Farage’s constituency drama, no headline was off-limits.
The winning joke? “Why is Prince Andrew not writing any Christmas books? He hasn’t got any titles!” Ouch. But it’s not just Andrew feeling the heat. Oasis’s reunion, Sabrina Carpenter’s rise to fame, and even Angela Rayner’s address saga all get the cracker treatment. And this is the part most people miss: these jokes aren’t just funny—they’re a clever reflection of the year’s biggest stories.
Here’s the full list of U&GOLD’s top 10 jokes, guaranteed to spark laughter (and maybe a few debates) around the Christmas table:
- Why is Prince Andrew not writing any Christmas books? He hasn’t got any titles!
- Why don’t Noel and Liam want to open their presents early on Christmas morning? They need a little time to wake up.
- Which pop star carves her own wooden Nativity scene? Sabrina Carpenter.
- What do Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor and a snowman have in common? They're both out in the cold.
- What is a French burglar's favorite Christmas film? Louvre, Actually.
- Could Lily Allen and David Harbour get back together for Christmas? Stranger Things have happened!
- Why won’t Angela Rayner get any Christmas presents this year? Santa can’t decide which address to deliver to.
- What is Claudia Winkleman's favorite part of Christmas dinner? The Taters.
- Does Celia Imrie beat her family at Christmas party games? Yes, she trumps them all.
- Where has Santa been more than Nigel Farage? His house in Clacton.
But here’s the real question: Are these jokes too bold, or just bold enough? Jokes that narrowly missed the top 10, like a jab at President Trump carving up the East Wing or Keir Starmer’s cabinet struggles, prove that no one is immune to a good roasting. And that’s the beauty of British humor—it’s equal parts sharp and silly.
The competition, judged by a panel led by comedy critic Bruce Dessau, saw 2,000 Brits vote for their favorites. Dessau praised the entries, calling them “an absolutely stellar list” and highlighting how they capture the year’s most newsworthy moments. Gerald Casey, Director of Programme at UKTV, echoed the sentiment, celebrating the British public’s knack for turning headlines into punchlines.
The mastermind behind the winning joke, Ben Smith from Chelmsford, walked away with £1,500 for a holiday, a festive hamper, and a box of bespoke U&GOLD Christmas crackers. And yes, the top six jokes will be featured in these crackers, ensuring your Christmas dinner comes with a side of laughter.
So, what do you think? Are these jokes a festive triumph, or do they cross the line? Let us know in the comments—and while you’re at it, share your own 2025-inspired cracker joke. After all, in the world of comedy, there’s always room for one more laugh.
U&GOLD’s festive lineup, featuring classics like The Vicar of Dibley and Only Fools and Horses, promises to keep the holiday cheer going. But for now, let’s raise a glass (or a cracker) to the winners—and to the British public’s endless ability to find humor in the chaos.
-ENDS-
For further information, contact Alex Butler at alex.butler@taylorherring.com.
Notes for editors:
U&GOLD, dedicated to celebrating British comedy, blends classic series like Dad’s Army with original scripted comedies and unscripted reunions of beloved stars. It’s the perfect channel to keep you laughing, no matter the time of day.
